Volume 4, No. 8

May 2, 2013

SUMMERTIME ANNOUCEMENTS

by Leslie Knope

 

Holy flora! It’s the moment we all live for… the months of anticipation… the detailed planning of each outdoor activity… the hand-sewn personalized towels we make for our friends, coworkers and baristas… (NOTE: I feel like Pawnee has Tevas and they never left) the finishing touches on the photo collage and novelization of last month’s summer highlights… it’s all finally led us here: the day we get our head start on next summer! But, before I go do that, there are a few announcements!

– Do NOT buy sushi from the Blanket Man in Circle Park. He does not have a permit. Tony’s Soosh Barrel is the ONLY permitted sushi vendor, and even with him, I’d – you know what, use your best judgment.

– We do NOT have a sinkhole problem in the Pawnee parks. The parks are totally and completely safe! It’s actually just some weirdo digging holes in the middle of the night and also at peak play times. We’re doing our best to find those responsible.

And that’s all! Now get outside and stay there! But no later than 5 p.m. if you are within the cross streets of Charles and Magnolia. But otherwise, let’s party!
Your Loyal Summer Servant,
Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation

 

PERMITS DESK ANNOUNCEMENT: MAY 6TH HOURS

by Donna Meagle

 

Hello. As some of you already know, Cinco de Mayo takes place on a Sunday this year. Meaning on Monday, May 6th, the permits desk will most likely be out of commission until at least noon or TBD when I feel like it. So, plan your permit needs accordingly. Also, of note, the Permits desk is taking a long weekend starting Thursday, June 6th, as the NBA Finals are scheduled to start then, and the Permits desk will be setting up shop in South Beach.

– D

 

 

CITY MANAGER’S NOTES

by Chris Traeger

 

URGENT! THIS IS AN URGENT ALERT!

During my secret departmental spot-checks, I noticed something alarming, disconcerting and downright criminal. Many of you are not properly utilizing the recycling bins. This is literally killing our planet and must be rectified.

But don’t fret, Pawneeans, your friendly City Manager is here in his newsletter best to help you out! I’ve created an easy acronym to help you determine whether or not the item you are now done with is: Trash, Recycling, or Neither. I call it the TRaiN approach (the letters “a” and “i” are there for clever acronym purposes only!).

Trash – It’s not recyclable (see below). And it’s not neither (see below). That means you’ve got yourself some honest-to-goodness trash. It’s done its part and now can be thrown away guilt-free.
Recycling – Maybe it’s got that darling triangle made out of arrows. Maybe it’s paper, cardboard, plastic, glass or aluminum. Either way, Mother Earth just got a treat because this object is about to be re-used. Is there a more lovely, perfectly delightful word in the entire English language? Yes! It’s “kaleidoscope.”
Neither – It’s not trash, it’s not recycling…it’s COMPOSTABLE! You’ve hit the jackpot. Ding ding ding! That item in your hand gets to naturally become fertilizer. Congratulations!

All aboard the environmental TRaiN… with stops at a healthier, happier, cleaner planet Earth for our children, our children’s children and our children’s children’s children.

 

NOTE FROM RON SWANSON

 

I am in need of a new band saw for my wood shop. My previous band saw lasted for 20 years, and it did a fine job. But it is now broken beyond repair.

If you have a band saw in solid working condition and are looking to part ways with it, please respond to this posting with your offer. I will let you know yes or no.

Ron Swanson

 

© 2013 City of Pawnee and its licensors. All rights reserved.