Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012

THIS MONTH IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT

by Leslie Knope


This is a HUGE month for the Parks Department. So much is happening! Ahhhhhh. The elections are coming up this month. I am so nervous. Because there is a really huge measure on the ballot – Ballot Initiative 26F – that really affects the Parks Department. I have barely been sleeping and eating at times. Because of Ballot Initiative 26F. Don’t forget to vote for Ballot Initiative 26F.

Ballot Initiative 26F would help fast track some funding for cleaning out the reservoir. It is important. Oh my God, I can’t imagine if Ballot Initiative 26F doesn’t pass, I think I would faint. Just thinking of Ballot Initiative 26F not passing and then not getting to have Ballot Initiative 26F after dreaming about Ballot Initiative 26F for my whole life. It is really all too much. I would just love for you all to get out there and vote YES on Ballot Initiative 26F. It would mean so much to the Parks Department. Ballot Initiative 26F will do everything in its power to make Pawnee a better place. Ballot Initiative 26F is the right choice for this City.

Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation



CLASS ANNOUNCEMENT: “INTRODUCTION TO CRAFTS”

by Jerry Gergich

The Parks and Recreation Department will be having its very first crafting class on Tuesday, May 15th from 6:00 – 8:00 p.m. at the recreation center. It will be led by my very lovely wife, Gayle Gergich. I cannot oversell this enough; Gayle is a kind, caring and thoughtful woman. Everything one would want in an instructor. Gayle received her undergraduate degree in Art History. She is really smart; I love her so much and am so proud of her. She has worked really hard on this. So come on down for some delightful conversation and warmth and just all-around wonderfulness from Gayle Gergich, who is a saint – just a saint of a woman. God bless her.

Scissors and glue not provided.

 


NOTE FROM RON SWANSON’S OFFICE

by Ron Swanson

Honor. It is the reason a man earns his sleep at night. It is the strongest weapon and the most powerful tool. It gives human beings purpose.

For too many, it has been forgotten. But it is vital.

End of entry on the nature of honor.



THIS WEEK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT

by Andy Dwyer


Hi everyone, it’s 2:40 a.m. I just woke up from a dream. I dreamt up the most awesome music video ever, and I needed to get it down as quickly as possible. This is how it goes!

It starts inside an abandoned football arena, the goalposts long ago torn down, during the Stadium Wars of 2017. A lone rock musician – in this case, me, Andy Dwyer of Mouse Rat – grabs his guitar and strums a few chords, singing the song. Soldiers begin to march on the field, led by a demon riding a motorcycle. As the chorus begins, I hook the demon with my guitar, which I swing through the air like a kite. At this point, the stadium is filled with people, cheering for me, but we’re all underwater, and man’s pollution is causing us all to cough. But somehow my singing breaks through the chaos and I clean away the dirt and smog with the power of music. The gigantic meteor avoids smashing into the Earth – oh yeah, this whole time, a giant meteor the size of the sun has been hurtling towards Earth – and peace erupts all over the planet. As I finish my song, the entire world cheers, giving me a standing ovation. And that’s the end because I woke up.

Gonna go back to sleep now to figure out the lyrics. Something about love, I think. Goodnight.



Leslie Knope for City Council

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