Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012

WELCOME!

by Leslie Knope

Hello, My Pawnee Friends!

Welcome to the Parks and Recreation department’s first newsletter! (Play triumphant music that you’ve undoubtedly cued up.) I’m sure you’re like me: bursting with questions and wonder. What is the newsletter all about? Who contributes to it? What kinds of things will I learn about? Isn’t it amazing that a piece of paper can bring so much joy? And so on. These are terrific questions!

We’re going to bring you the latest and greatest news from the wonderful men and women who make up the department. And Jerry, too, sometimes. And since the Parks department truly captures the spirit of Pawnee, you know you’re getting the real goods here.

It’s been an exciting time for the department and for Pawnee:

• The Sullivan Street Park Project train keeps on chugging along. And while we still need to make stops at Architectural Review Board Avenue, Environmental Impact Report Lane, and Park Construction Boulevard, we’re going to be pulling into the station sooner than you think! Stay tuned…

• Enrollment at the Edward Phillips Senior Center is down, thanks to the large graduating class of 2009.

• And… the Summer Park Movie Series is back. Come to Ramsett Park for premiere night and see Beauty and the Beast on the big screen! Stay after for a special Q&A with Jessica Wicks and Nick Newport, Sr., Pawnee’s own Beauty and the Beast.

So read on, friends, and learn more about your great city of Pawnee!

Sincerely,
Leslie Knope
Deputy Director, Parks and Recreation


PAWNEE AFTER DARK

by Tom Haverford

Whazzup, fools! Tommy Timberlake here, ready to fill you in on all the mind-blowing nightlife that Pawnee has to offer. My first choice, and there really isn’t a close second, is THE SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE. The ‘Hole puts all other Pawnee nightlife to shame, and I say this as a completely unbiased part-owner of the club.

If you’re feeling lame one night and aren’t up for a club atmosphere though, I recommend checking out MAMA PORCHINI’S (486 Marlin Avenue). There’s only one thing you should order there: the Mama Porchini Meatball — a beef, pork, fresh herb, panko breadcrumb hybrid that literally brings me to tears with every bite. Another reason I go to Mama Porchini’s is, unlike other places, they don’t card me. I’m 26 people. Stop carding me.

Speaking of carding, they’ve also stopped carding me at The Snakehole Lounge, that really sick club I was talking about before. Will they card you? Only one way to find out.



RON

by Ron Swanson

I’m not one for unnecessary prose, so my contribution to this newsletter will be a photo:

(There was a bird there outside my window, but it flew away right as I took the picture.)

 


HEALTH CHECK

by Ann Perkins

Leslie Knope here again! I’ve begged my good friend, Ann Perkins, RN, to write this column because she’s the most incredibly gifted, smart, and pretty nurse this planet has ever known, and anyone would benefit from her expert health advice. You guys are so lucky to be getting her brilliant tips for free! So, without any further adieu, here’s the amazing Ann Perkins:

Hi. When going outdoors for extended periods this summer, be sure to hydrate regularly and wear plenty of sunscreen. Also, take frequent breaks in the shade — heat exhaustion can sneak up on anyone.

Well, there you have it! Amazing, real-world health advice from the amazing, real-world nurse Ann Perkins. When you’re feeling better than ever this summer, remember who you have to thank!



OVERHEARD AT THE SHOESHINE STAND

by Andy Dwyer

Shhh, listen up! These juicy gossip items come to you straight from the shoeshine stand, then into my head, then onto this newsletter!

Which bureaucrat was seen chatting to an attractive lady in City Hall? Don’t know – he is tall with brown hair. Does anyone know who that is?

Councilman Howser was here the other day. I wonder why he needs shiny shoes???

People seem to be very worried about the city budget.

Overheard: “They’re looking for all kinds of ways to get this done.” Who is “they” and what could “this” be? Guess away. And who’s the mystery man or woman who said it? I can’t tell you that, but here’s a clue… *on *wanson.

Okay everyone, that’s all for now. Check back for more awesome stuff you can only find out here. And with that, I leave you with my Shoeshine Tip of the Month:

Always shake the bottle and use a clean rag.

Take it from me. Later!

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