HISTORY!

by Leslie Knope

HISTORY! HISTORY! (MORE LIKE HERSTORY BECAUSE I, LESLIE KNOPE, AM CURRENTLY WRITING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I’M SO EXCITED!!!) AAAH!!!!

Okay, about 3 hours have passed since I started this newsletter entry. I needed to calm down. We all know it, but I’m here to say it: Barack Obama has been elected President. Of The United States. Of America. Which is where I live!! This historical moment is so so so wonderful for two equally important reasons:

#1 – He is America’s first African American president!

#2 – Joe Biden, that oh so dreamy legislator, is Vice President! I mean, sometimes you have to pinch a girl to tell her she’s not dreaming. So Leslie, you can stop pinching yourself – you’re not dreaming and you’re gonna give yourself a bruise. AAAH!!!!

Okay, about 2 hours have passed since I wrote about Joe Biden. I needed some more calm down time. It’s now like 6 in the morning and I haven’t gone to bed yet. But who can sleep at a time like this? Obama. Biden. Dreams. Coming. True. Boy, do I need some waffles. Here I come, JJ!

Look out, Pawnee…it’s a new world, and it’s spelled J-O-E!!

Leslie Knope
Deputy Director
Dept. of Parks and Recreation

JERRY’S CORNER

by Jerry Gergich

Hello Pawneeans,

This is Jerry Gergich, and this is my corner. Every month, I’ll come and tell you about the thoughts in my mind, the happenings around the Parks Department, and stories about the Gergich clan!

[Content removed by the editor.]

Thank you all so much for reading. I cannot wait to keep writing this little section every single month!

My very best to all of you,
Jerry

[Editor’s note: This is Leslie Knope. I am deeply sorry about this section, everyone. I couldn’t, in good conscience, let it go to print as it was submitted to me. But its current state satisfies my obligation to Jerry. Jerry’s Corner will never return.]

PERMITS DESK ANNOUNCEMENT

by Donna Meagle

Someone clearly sat at my desk today, and I want to know who. The seat height on my desk chair was adjusted, and it DOES NOT feel right anymore. What kind of person just plants their butt where their butt does NOT belong. You wouldn’t want me coming into your space, messing your things, making out with your boyfriends – would you?? When I find out who did this…we’re gonna have words, you and me.

DM

NOTE FROM RON SWANSON

I found a fast food menu lodged in the handle of my office door. Reading it, I discovered such terms as “Chick’n” and “Bac’n.” As a fan of these meats (the latter over the former, of course) I was curious and assumed there was a spelling error. But I did some research, and it became clear that the menu was for a vegan restaurant and that these were, in fact, fake meats. These fake meat terms are a great injustice to the actual animals to which they refer, and I demand that the insanity ends. End of warning.

Ron Swanson