Volume 3, No. 4
January 12, 2012

GREETINGS

by Leslie Knope


Dear Pawnee Citizens,

My suspension from the Parks Department is about to begin, but, before I leave, I wanted to make sure you all knew that despite my absence, the Pawnee parks will stay open. So stop by your local park and play to your heart’s content.

I think I hear someone coming to escort me out of the office right now. As long as I keep writing this newsletter, they can’t make me leave. So… What else? Hmm…

Well, it’s December in Pawnee and that means the first snow, Christmas, twinkle lights, hot chocolate… mmm!!, snow angels, ice sculptures, ornaments, Santa, PRESENTS, and lots and lots of fun.

I’m being asked to leave the building now by City Manager, Chris Traeger. But I told him I have to finish this budget report on the teen programs. He just looked over my shoulder. Isn’t buying it. Okay, it’s essential that I tell you all this one last thing:

Never stop belivihgri gotta go.

I’m back! I will miss you all so much. So very very much. Very very very much. So… okay have to go now byebye.


PARKS X 20 BY 2020

by Tom Haverford


Hello Pawnee,

You probably know me as former Founder and CEO of Entertainment720, or as former minority stockholder of the Snakehole Lounge, but I am excited to announce my new business venture: as former-turned-current Administrator of the Parks and Recreation Department. That’s right, Tommy is back! I fielded many offers; I even did the Undercover Boss (where I took a low-level employee job spraying cologne samples at a department store to learn more about big business), but I decided success isn’t anything without making a difference, and I saw a difference to be made right here.

First off, I am starting this Newsletter column, which I am dubbing “Parks x 20 by 2020.” That’s because of my new plan to turn the current Parks Department into the Parks Department of the year 2020, by multiplying the coolness factor of everything around me by 20.

Second: I am initiating plans for Hologram Park. Just what it sounds like, a park that is a hologram. Don’t dwell on it; you’re already falling behind.

Also: there will be a whole new method of government operations. High-end digital platforms, revolutionary project models, state-of-the-art communications, and new trash cans in Ramsett Park. Leslie said I had to mention those.

Here’s to our future… right now,

Enjoy the journey,

Tomorrow is happening today,

I am trying some different sign-offs until I find one that sticks,

TH



CITY MANAGER’S NOTE

by Chris Traeger

Hey folks. Two quick notes:

1. The last few weeks of Autumn are some of my favorite weeks of the year. Nature yearns to hold on to the remnants of a bountiful Spring and Summer, and, at the same time, actively shakes it off to greet the bitter cold. Stop right now and look up at the leaves on the nearest tree. See how they grasp onto their branch with fervor. And, simultaneously, see how they ache to join their friends on the ground, to continue their inevitable life cycle. For the tree, like the planet, never dies. The cold and darkness of Winter will strike, but soon enough, new life will emerge. Spring, to Summer, to Autumn, to Winter, and back to Spring again. We’ve come to expect it but, inappropriately, dread it, too. It is wondrous and magical year after year. Autumn, we salute you! December, we fear for you not! And Winter, we beseech you to come!

2. The rec center will be closed for three weeks due to a septic tank explosion.

See you soon!

Chris Traeger

 


PARKS DEPARTMENT ITEMS FOR SALE


by Donna Meagle

Pawnee citizens,

The Parks Department occasionally buys new things to spoil themselves, and as a result the department has no need for other older things that have lost their excitement, or sometimes the thing the Parks Department purchased is different than what it looked like in the pictures. Basically, here are some items the Parks Department is putting up for sale that the Parks Department no longer wants.

• T3 Twirl Professional Ceramic Ionic Curling Iron ($119) – This has been used once, it just didn’t provide the right style and texture for the Parks Department’s needs

• Leopard Print Fabric, 10’x4′ ($40) – This is fabric, it is NOT a scarf, as the Parks Department was led to believe.

• Two (2) Custom-made Floormats for a 2005 Mercedes SUV ($220) – The Parks Department ordered these and stupidly gave Howard at the dealership the wrong specs, so they do not fit. Would make adequate doormats for a home. Also suitable for framing. (Note: They do say “Donna’s Ride” in silver cursive script along the bottom.)

• Massage-A-Trois Massage Oil (24-oz. canister, $38) – Opened but not used. The Parks Department did not enjoy the smell.

These are bargain basement prices. If you are interested in any of these fun Parks-related items, please dial my extension (x5783) directly.

Get me,

D-Meegs

© 2012 City of Pawnee and its licensors. All rights reserved.