City Council

Fester Trim
Fester Trim

My name is Fester Trim. Some of you may know me as the man who sells you your guns at the Gun-believable Gun Emporium. Others may know me from my previous business: The Gun Place – the place to go for guns and gun-related objects.

The Second Amendment of the GD Constitution of the GD United States of America makes it extremely clear that everyone is allowed to have any number of guns for any reason without having to answer to anyone about why the hell they need them. That’s the end of the GD story, friends. You want a different story, go somewhere else and leave your guns here where America can make use of them.

Guns are great. Nothing bad has ever happened from someone owning a gun, and that is a fact. If you try to stop someone from having a gun, you are a bad person. I have more than a thousand guns in my personal collection. Or maybe I have none. I don’t have to tell you squat. You want to know how many guns I have? Try to come to my house and you’ll find out very GD quickly how many guns I have.

I’m pro assault rifle vending machines. I’m pro year-round hunting. I’m in favor of turning the library into a gun library, where you can use your library card to check guns out. When it comes to this election, don’t kid yourself. Do you want someone who will clean up the parks and fix our broken-down roads, or do you want someone who will finally put a gun on every street corner (cops not included). I think the answer is pretty clear.

God bless America and God bless the fine city of Pawnee!

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