The Fourth Floor

How to Enter

Tips to make your visit to the Fourth Floor a breeze!

• The Fourth Floor may be accessed via elevator only, as Stairwell 1 is flooded and Stairwell 4 has been donated to Pawnee Community College’s Paranormal Studies department.
• When you reach the Fourth Floor, it may look as if the lights are off – they are merely on at a low level to inhibit growth of a rare mold. Stay within the elevator vestibule until your eyes adjust.
• Proceed to the Security Desk nearby, taking care to remove any metal and loose change from your pockets. Walk through the metal detector, then the electromagnetic field detector, then retrieve your belongings from the guard.
• COUNT YOUR CHANGE, as our contract guards cannot always be trusted.
• Proceed to your intended department. Do not make eye contact with anyone. Do not speak to anyone. Do not accept suspicious packages from anyone. Do not answer any ringing pay phones. Do not pick up any of the old VHS tapes lying around the floor and attempt to play them. If you see any loose animals, do not approach them. Do not eat anything you find, even if it is in its original, sealed packaging. Do not open any doors if you do not know what is on the other side. Do not under any circumstances stop moving for more than 4 – 5 seconds. And if a man named Gary introduces himself, find the nearest BLUE PHONE and alert security immediately.
• Other than that, have fun!

How to Enter How to Enter

Check out tips to make your visit to the Fourth Floor a breeze! More »

Directory of Offices Directory of Offices

Read this simple, straightforward, non-alphabetical list of our useful departments here! More »

Prohibited Items Prohibited Items

Please review this list of items not allowed on the Fourth Floor. More »