September in Pawnee

Here are some fun things happening in Pawnee this September.
Summer may be winding down, but that doesn’t mean the fun’s leaving with it. If anything, it means the fun is increasing! Not that summer wasn’t fun.
We’re just saying that the early autumn can be fun, too. Whatever, here are some fun things happening in Pawnee right now.
Sunrise Tai Chi and Notary Public
Back by popular demand, start your day off (weather permitting) with deep breathing, stress relief and official authentication of legal documents.
Sunrise Tai Chi and Notary Public
Chronic back pain, mild depression, loan forms – you name it – Sensei Valenzuela, notary public, will take care of it for you. Only a five dollar per-document fee. And the qi is free!
The Annual Flounder Run
The flounder are back, y’all! Scientists still can’t explain why an entire school of flounder pass through the rivers and tributaries of Pawnee every September.*
The Annual Flounder Run
But boy oh boy if we don’t enjoy catching and eating them, right? Don’t miss this yearly treat. As always it’s B.Y.O. Fishing Poles, Nets or Any Other Non-Firearm Weapons!
The Annual Flounder Run
*Most scientists believe these “flounder” are actually severely deformed rainbow trout.
Local Foragers Gathering
Everybody knows that September is gooseberry season. Each Saturday, local gooseberry fanatics scour the Pawnee hills and riverbeds to pick and eat as many gooseberries as possible!
Local Foragers Gathering
A great activity for families, especially those with small children!
**Local Foragers Gathering has been CANCELED due to multiple EPA and FDA warnings stemming from the latest Sweetums toxic waste spill.**
Chess in the Park
Even if you’re a rookie, come and see if you have what it takes to be king of the board. Activities begin at noon but have been known to stretch well into the knight.
Chess in the Parks
Classes will be taught by Ben Wyatt (aka Bishop Don Juan Magic Pawn).
Spinning Spinsters
Don’t need a man in your life, but feel like you need something between your legs? Then this class is for you!
Stargazing with the Stars in Tucker Park
Robert Downey, Jr.! Angelina Jolie! Channing Tatum! They all unfortunately have scheduling conflicts.
Stargazing with the Stars in Tucker Park
But who needs them when we’ve got Gina DeWingarth – standout star of Pawnee Prep Middle School’s production of “My Fair Lady.”
Stargazing with the Stars in Tucker Park
(We’ve been asked to remind you that Ms. DeWingarth will not sign autographs, or go to the homecoming dance with Bobby Jansyek, so stop asking. She doesn’t like you!)